Things got worse

There is nothing in this world that is more devastating than death.
I consider myself to be lucky, in this respect, as I am still alive and have God to thank for that. I'm having a very hard time at the moment, though. My Grandma passed away on Tuesday.
Things are still a bit hazy, I suppose it hasn't quite sunk-in yet, etc. and I am worried that this sudden illness that has overwhelmed me over the passed couple of days has something to do with my worries. I'm finding it very hard to decide exactly what to do with myself at the moment.

More importantly, I've seen no tears being shed, or anybody appearing to be struck with grief, yet I am so uncontrollably upset... I just don't understand. I'm supposed to be at work right now, but I had to ring in because I was ill throughout the night. I just don't have any strength to be around anybody to receive condolences and best wishes for my future.
I don't have any grandparents, anymore. This is the end of an era. I feel sick.

Whether your A-level results were less than what you expected, or your current boyfriend/girlfriend has left you or you can't find anything decent to wear today, think, for a minute, how utterly ridiculous you're being and focus on the real love that is in your life because once it's taken away, you're on your own.

I probably won't blog for a short while, now. I'm still here, though.

A worryful month

I just checked my bank balance.

After an evening out with a couple of friends last night at Starcity, Surf's Up and Old Orleans are reflecting to be quite expensive after all, especially when paying for the husband as well as myself because Unite are so desperate to take his first rent installment so he too is now skinny, in many senses of the word.
I got paid on Friday but I now only have a couple of hundred pounds to last me until the 14th of September and I don't think that it's going to happen. I owe father a good £500 for my car insurance/road tax/wing repair so it looks like I'm going to be left with pittance by the end of this week.
NSandI could do with giving me a win as it's been nearly five months since I received anything and I have, like, thousands of pounds invested in those bonds. I am actually considering withdrawing a couple of hundred quid from my bonds account to last me till next pay day as I can't bear not going out and doing cool stuff like drinking, smoking, swearing and laughing at politically questionable jokes told by silly old punters up town.
I'm finding that having little-to-no money is quite distressing and depressing. I would love to know how the 'unemployed' get by and how people that work stupid hours for shit money find the will to be able to save and set up a home and all that. A current friend of mine is moving back in with his mother after a few years of renting a council flat because he can't afford it. Saying that, he does work part time and it's not like he's in any rush, he's younger than me for goodness sake.

Jamie and Kate are moving in together next month. It's going to be weird having them live all the way in Stafford, but I think things will be cool. They both have proper-ish jobs now and are somewhat 'sorting their lives out'. I'm happy for them.
I absolutely cannot wait to leave home and I'm sure I've mentioned this before. I am SO ready I'm practically packing my suitcases. For now, though, I'm trying hard to focus on getting back into the mood for university so I can get this whole right-of-passage over and done with.
On the upside, the first installment for my student loan this year goes into my account on... erm, I don't know but I know it's next month sometime. Yay.

I'm fucking obsessed by money, I swear. I need to stop gambling on the National Lottery website.

I have to go to work, now. God, help me.

The week ahead looks murky.

The return, new bathroom and future plans

We got back from Malta safely and I had a brilliant time. Thanks to the awesome weather over there Ritchie and I managed to catch some serious rays as well as getting on plenty of tours to be able to see the island. We went to a 'Splash and Fun' park where they had sea lion and parrot shows and, most of all, dolphins! I was so happy. Our funds didn't allow for us to go swim with them and I was gutted for a short while but the shows were amazing and I really enjoyed myself. You may gasp, but I have never actually been to any kind of animal show, ever.

We got to visit the caves on the southern coast, namely the Blue Grotto. It was interesting, to say the least. I'm not good with boats and I get very nervous, even though I'm a strong swimmer (Gold badge, Cannock baths, twelve years ago). This guy took us with nine other people, on thise diddy speedboat, around the cavey coast of Malta. It was truly beautiful, Ritch has pictures on his Flickr, the water being so clear and blue I was quite amazed at how nature really can take one's breath away sometimes.
In the same day we got to visit the old capital city of Malta, Mdina. It was great. Also known as 'The Silent City', it is prohibited to take your car into the city unless you are a resident (obviously, emergency vehicles and wedding/funeral cars are allowed too). Mdina is a perfect example of a quaint, untouched place which bestows so much history. The Roman Governor built his palace there and the Apostle Saint Paul is said to have lived there when he was shipwrecked on the island. Anyway, I think it's amazing but I'll quit it with the history lesson now. You can find all that useless rubbish on Wikipedia.

The hotel was OK. Definitely NOT four-star quality by British estimations, but it was alright. The food got better as the week progressed and money ran out, but I thoroughly enjoyed our time away.
Malta was our first sunny holiday away, it's like we've only been together just months or something, having not ever been abroad alone with the boy.
The past four years has flown-by and I can't believe I even thought about terminating our relationship just the other day.

I came home to see that my bathroom was demolished, but during the past week men have been around to put the new one together whilst Mom and I painted the ceiling the other day. It'd dead good. The gigantic mirror covers a whole wall and the tiles are all stone white with those gorgeous palatial trims and all that jazz. I'd take photographs but I'd think that was sad so you're just going to have to take my words for it.


I'm back to university next month. Can't say I'm greatly looking forward to it but I'm sure it'll be alright. Living in halls again will hopefully give me the incentive to do the work, like last year and, with Ritch at Plymouth there will be literally no distractions. Unless I go all mopey and depressed like I used to when he wasn't around, great.

September will be an interesting challenge for the both of us. I don't look forward to us being apart but oh well, some things you just gotta do and persevere with the consequences.
At least I don't have to have anything much to do with his family for the next eight months-or-so. I digress.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I crashed my car about a month ago! I was secretly hoping for it to be a complete write-off, considering the amount of work that's STILL being done on it, but no, It's still going and my Chrysler is still a whopping eighteen months-or-so away. Fucking Japanese cars can take anything.
I love my Corolla, but I think it's time it just gave-in to the sickness and passed away. It surely can't last me much longer?

I think I've rambled enough and said all that I wanted to say for the past month. I know I don't update regularly, but, when you think about it, I'm not really a proper blogger anyway. I have a day job, for a start!

In the mean time, Transformers is awesome and The Simpsons movie was Blazé, Prison Break is FUCKING AMAZING and is Big Brother even still on?

Is it wrong to be in love with Rob Knepper?